


the jaded experienced professional pail filler

by Prim_the_Amazing



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gangbang, Multi, Sex Work, meowrails except theyre chill with doing gangbangs together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 06:21:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15746034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/pseuds/Prim_the_Amazing
Summary: This isn’t a foursome, he realizes.It’s a gangbang.





	the jaded experienced professional pail filler

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ghostb0y](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostb0y/gifts).



“Equius!” the olive blood exclaims. “You actually got him fur me!”

“Of horse,” the indigo blood that had awkwardly pressed a lot of money into his hand about ten minutes ago says. He clears his throat. “I mean of course.”

Karkat assesses the oliveblood in front of him warily. She’s well muscled and her claws are long and sharp, but she’s almost as short as he is and giving the indigo blood a sweet beaming smile. The indigo blood--Equius--flushes and wipes at his sweaty brow, flustered. His mouth twitches into a wobbly smile almost against his will, revealing fight-broken teeth.

From what he’s gathered of Equius’ half scandalized half bashful mutterings, he’s meant as flushed entertainment here today, which means that the olive blood he’s for probably isn’t his matesprit. And they’re definitely not any kind of pitch. Moirails, then. A gift for a troll’s moirail, after he’d noticed that she’d been eyeing Karkat up.

Definitely not a bad start to his new career of selling his body for money. Not that he’ll be letting anyone here know that this is his first time doing this. Fuck that! No one here gets to think that he’s naive or inexperienced or easy prey. He is the jaded professional pail filler who has seen it all, it is him.

A short nice midblood with flushed feelings is a relief, though.

“It was clear to see how enamored the two of you were with him,” Equius goes on.

“... Two?” slips out of him, and then a purple blooded subjugglator with horns so tall he has to duck underneath the door opening enters the room. He looks over to Karkat and then smiles a big grin full of sharp teeth, delighted. He looks like he could pick Karkat up and use him as a blunt weapon.

“Sweetest heart,” the subjugglator coos at Equius without taking his eyes off of Karkat, approaching in long legged lazy strides that eat up the distance between them with deceptive and heartstopping speed. His voice is strange and creepy, dreamy. Karkat feels pinned by his eyes. “This is some mighty motherfucking fine generosity for you to be all up at.”

Equius adjusts his shades, somehow even sweatier. “It-- it was nothing from someone of my caste, Gamzee. Hardly a dent in my account.”

“No no, you’re the _best,_ Equius,” the olive blood insists, and Gamzee nods along. “This is so great, thank you so much!”

Equius looks so flustered this almost feels like bullying. Karkat uses the distraction to regain control of his face because _holy shit,_ oh fuck. A _threesome,_ that’s-- kinky. He can count the amount of times he’s had sex on one hand, and all of it was pretty vanilla. And there’s _nothing_ wrong with that and it isn’t a stupid decision by him _at all_ to choose to become a street pail filler with so little-- with such a _reasonable amount_ of experience.

A threesome. It’s, it’s fine. He can do that. It’s just the same as regular sex if you think about it, except there’s more knees and elbows for people to accidentally knock into each other.

(A subjugglator, though. Her Imperial Compassion and her sweeping rule changes came to the empire only a few sweeps ago. This one’s probably old enough to remember being able to bash a lowblooded strangers head in on the street and then just walking away and not facing any kind of consequence for it.)

(But the midblood is nice and the blueblood is embarrassed and fidgeting at his quadrant mates effusive compliments. There are laws _now.)_

(He needs the money.)

Deep breath. He isn’t nervous. He is the jaded experienced professional pail filler. He’s seen and done it all.

“My bony ass joining in on you two’s cute little bubble butts a problem, bro?” the subjugglator asks, and his dopey smile almost makes Karkat think he’s being sincere. Whether or not he’s being sincere, the answer’s the same, though.

“It’s no problem,” he says, and just barley bites off the ‘fucker’ at the end of the sentence. Gamzee honks a delighted laugh, and then casually slaps Karkat’s ass. Karkat’s spine goes straight, his eyes go wide, his fists clench, and he grits his teeth on the rant of a lifetime.

This is literally his job. Be. Chill.

“You should join too, Equius,” the olive blood says, and Karkat’s chill evaporates as his head whips towards her. She looks perfectly earnest and serious.

 _“Nepeta,”_ Equius says, scandalized.

Gamzee looks absolutely thunderstruck, like god just descended from the clouds to whisper the meaning of life into his fucked up pan. “Bro,” he says with deep feeling. “That’s _so smart.”_

Karkat wants to _scream._

Nepeta turns her wide adorable traitorous eyes onto him next. “That’s fine with you too, right?”

“... Right,” he forces himself to say, grinding his teeth together silently. He just said yes to a threesome; saying no to a foursome would look weird.

Nepeta squees and bounces over to Equius to wrap her arms around his impressive bicep. “Equiuuuus. Join us! It’ll be fun!”

Nice midblood his ass. Apparently she’s the most dangerous one here, even with the creepy subjugglator and the ripped blueblood in the room.

Equius looks at Nepeta with consternation. Nepeta looks at Equius with wriggler barkbeast eyes. Equius’ look hardens. Nepeta’s look hardens. They’re now having a stare down intense enough that he’s kind of surprised that they’re snuggling instead of pointing guns at each other.

With no visible indication of why the tides have shifted in this silent argument, Equius caves all at once, his body language screaming defeat. Nepeta fist pumps the air.

Moirails are weird.

… Moirails that have foursomes together are even _weirder._

“... Are you guys moirails?” he asks, because he’s suddenly unsure now. “And what the fuck is your relationship with this clown fuck? How does this all come together? Hang on, I’ve got a notepad in one of my pockets, we can make a chart--”

Nepeta gasps delightedly. “A shipping chart? YES.”

Nepeta then briefly disappears into another room and reappears with an easel, a canvas, colored pencils, paints, and glitter. Karkat is reasonably sure this isn’t for the sex.

“Oh, are gonna get our art on?” Gamzee asks, happily curious. “I thought we were gonna get our bulges on, but that’s tight too.”

“We can do both,” Nepeta says, setting up the easel and placing the canvas down. “In fact, you can just start undressing while I get this done, beclaws it’s so clearly necessary.”

Equius flushes and says, “You are obviously just indulging yourself--”

“Aw, chill, brother,” Gamzee says, and walks up behind him to drape his long limbs over and around him. Long fingers start pulling at many, many decorative buttons. “This whole shindigs about indulging ourselves, right? And a motherfucker can’t think about something more indulging than all of his best peeps plus one sexy new motherfucker doing it.”

The flush deepens but the protestations stop, and Equius stands there with straight backed posture, a blue face, and clenched fists as Gamzee unbuttons him with clumsy slowness.

What? The fuck? Karkat turns to look at Nepeta helplessly. She’s finger painting on the canvas, blue and green on her hands. She’s painting herself with a six pack. He clears his throat for her attention and then gestures at the clusterfuck happening in his general vicinity empathetically.

“What is this!? What globefucking quadrant is this supposed to be? Explain yourselves!”

Equius makes some scandalized noises that are almost edging into aroused. Gamzee giggles almost drunkenly with amusement.

“Okay, so,” Nepeta says seriously, and then starts smearing a vaguely heart shaped red blot onto the canvas in between the sweaty nervous looking troll and the tall smiley one with absolutely terrifyingly depicted face paint. The likeness of them is… honestly pretty accurate. “Equius and Gamzee are in hearts because Equius has terrible taste except for me.”

Gamzee honks a laugh like she didn’t just insult him with him right in the room. Nepeta wipes the red paint off her hands only to dip them back into a pink paint can. A diamond, surrounded by yellow sparkles clumsily painted out with her pinkie finger.

“And me and Equius are in diamonds, of course.”

Karkat thinks the _of course_ is a bit undeserved considering that she just proposed a foursome with her moirail. That is not normal pale behavior, okay, Karkat is not the strange one here.

A strange wobbly red shape that he eventually realizes is a stop sign. “Annnd there is nothing at all going on between me and Gamzee! So there.”

“That’s the most in denial kiddy pitch shit I’ve ever heard in my life,” pops out of his mouth without his say so.

Nepeta whirls around to face him and he tenses, except she’s then immediately distracted by Gamzee collapsing onto an unmoving Equius pillar for support as he doesn’t even try to hold up his own weight underneath the strain of his laughter.

“It is not!” she says hotly.

“Ha, _sister,_ I may get my suspicions up to thinking that little pail brother’s got your number.”

“He has a _name,”_ she says with a haughty sniff that Karkat suspects she’s stolen from Equius. And then she looks back at Karkat. “Um, what’s your name?”

“......... Karkat,” he says after a long moment of being exasperated by the sheer stupidity happening in this room, and also helplessly floundering for a decent fake name and failing. Troll Orlando Bloom would probably not be accepted by the crowd, he thinks.

“Karkat,” Nepeta says with satisfaction, drawing the name out in her mouth, lingering over the syllables as if it’s a chocolate she wants to savor. Karkat, against all common sense, flushes.

And then Gamzee casually slings his baggy draping shirt off and into a corner of the room without so much as a warning. Karkat feels his entire fight or flight response SCREAM at the sudden toplessness going on in the room without so much as a ‘brace yourself’ tossed in his direction, and then he’s kicking his pants off without pausing and oh god oh fuck _he’s not wearing underwear of course he isn’t he’s a filthy fucking clown._

Equius is gazing raptly at Gamzee as he strips, frozen and flushed, and Nepeta sweetly traipses over to him and helpfully starts undoing his fly for him.

Oh fuck shit, this all started happening _fast._

“Wait!” he says.

They stop what they’re doing and look over at him. Oh, fuck, they actually waited. He didnt have a plan for that.

“Yes?” Equius says.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” Karkat says. “Safeword?”

“Oh!” Nepeta says. “Of course! Equius come up with a safeword.”

“Why must I come up with the safeword,” Equius says.

She giggles. “Because you like those sorts of thing, duh.”

Equius starts sputtering and denying.

“Miracles,” Gamzee suggests in his place.

“Nope, you’d accidentally stop the sex a minute in,” Nepeta rejects immediately.

“Motherfucker,” Gamzee says.

“No, not that one either-- _wait.”_ She’s narrowing her eyes at him now. Gamzee innocently smiles at her.

“Cease and desist,” Equius says.

“Yup fine that works absolutely great,” Karkat, who isn’t particularly eager to see a subjugglator’s version of pitch romance happen right in front of him, says. He can only imagine it would be bloody, and he doesn’t want to be involved in the legal proceedings that would follow, even as a witness. He may like sordid romance novels but that doesn’t mean that he’s ready to be the traumatized professional pail filler who saw it all but is then murdered as a twist right before he gets to tell the legislacerator who did it.

“Right on, brother,” Gamzee says, and casually strides up to him in all his nudity as if he’s decked out in full mirthful robes and starts tugging Karkat’s sweater up.

Karkat, jaded seductive and sensuous pail filler that he is, instinctively smacks his hands away. Gamzee looks a little gobsmacked, and Karkat waits to be murdered, except then Gamzee just starts giggling to himself like Karkat’s _hilarious._

“Don’t touch the masterpieces?” he asks him, grinning.

Karkat glares at the fucker. “I can take my own damn clothes off, fucking thank you.”

And then he stands there and doesn’t do it. From behind him, he hears the sound of cloth tearing and muffled swearing and giggling from Nepeta and Equius’ direction. Karkat determinedly doesn’t look away from Gamzee, who’s smiling at him, all long sharp teeth and bare amusement.

Karkat narrows his eyes at him, and in the pursuit of being a great and professional pail filler who isn’t gonna go and get his guts torn out by an offended subjugglator, doesn’t go off on a rant about his gross long smug painted face and instead angrily starts taking his clothes off himself. He throws the sweater off himself sharply enough that he hopes it says _fuck you_ well enough for him.

“Merciful messiahs, now _this_ is gearing up to be a proper party.” Gamzee’s eyes travel down Karkat’s body lazily as he strips, just watching, and Karkat’s movements end up going a bit stiff and jerky as he takes off his pants. It belatedly occurs to him that he probably should’ve tried to take off his clothes in a sexy way. Ugh, whatever, he’ll practice that in a mirror later. “All blue and green and purple and… rust?”

It isn’t illegal. It isn’t illegal anymore he isn’t doing anything wrong but also he’s crossing the distance between them immediately, bloodpusher hammering, pressing his short stocky warm body up against Gamzee’s stretched out wiry cold one, the both of them of utterly naked. Gamzee runs his bony hands up along Karkat’s sides, and blinks at him, successfully distracted.

Old habits are hard to break. He leans up on his toes and tries to kiss him, realizes with a stab of fury that he _still can’t_ reach the dumbass clown’s mouth unless Gamzee leans down to meet him, and instead goes for his throat like a smooth pro.

Gamzee makes a small soft sound of surprise, and it instinctively makes Karkat’s eyes peacefully close as he lingers at Gamzee’s throat. The skin feels thin here, and he’s refreshingly cool.

Small hands with rough calluses and sharp pointy claws settle on his sides, and he jumps a little further into Gamzee’s hold, startled, inhaling sharply against his skin. Gamzee makes another small sound, leaning towards pleased.

“You’re so cute,” Nepeta murmurs into the shell of his ear, leaning her entire body into him. Her breasts are small but soft, pressed flush up against his bare back.

He bites back a _shut up_ and instead just huffs. He’s the picture of dignified restraint. Nepeta digs her little fangs into his shoulder in a bite weak enough not to pierce skin but strong enough to make him yelp. Gamzee snickers and then there’s suddenly the wet squirming of a bulge down at vaguely crotch level and oh hello that’s Gamzee’s bulge isn’t it, out abruptly and without warning.

“Logistics wise, I don’t really see how this is feasible,” Equius says, sounding deeply affected by the sight of them.

“Oh,” Nepeta says. “Hmmmmmm.”

Logistics wise? Like, who’s gonna have their turn with him first?

“Aw, chill brother,” Gamzee says, one of his long hands going to Karkat’s hand which is just kind of uselessly hanging there, and then he guides it to his bulge, coaxing him to touch it, grab it. He does, and Gamzee groans, head falling back, brows scrunching up, mouth pleasure slack. He continues speaking to Equius, breathier than before. “Use that big pretty pan of yours.”

It’s like the bulge is half trying to strangle Karkat’s fingers and half like its desperately trying to squirm loose. He reflexively tightens his hold and Gamzee does a full body shiver. Nepeta laps at the bitemark she made and kneads at his side.

After a long moment of this, of Karkat trying to regulate his breathing while he’s being pawed at and trying to control this slippery fucking thing in his hand, Equius speaks up.

“Alright,” he says. “I have come up with and decided on a course of action, and you will all follow it.”

“As long as it’s fun,” Gamzee and Nepeta say in unison. Equius ignores them.

“Take him to the couch,” he says, and then all of a sudden he’s being manhandled over to the seating platform like he can’t fucking see it and walk over to it on his own and what the fuck?

“Excuse you, you blistering imbeciles?” he snaps.

“Well I did say I’d do it as long as it was fun,” Nepeta tells him, fake apologetic.

Gamzee tips over the seating platform arm with his arms around Karkat and Nepeta both, falling backwards and landing with a soft thump and bounce. Karkat _oofs_ underneath the dense weight of Nepeta. Muscle weighs more than fat.

“Good,” Equius says. Karkat looks over at him from between the wild sprawl of limbs and skin and shortish hair that is the presumptuous sandwich he’s currently trapped in. Equius is also naked, his hair long and loose, shades gone in the dimness of the room. He looks better like this, completely bare. His bulge is squirming restlessly between his thighs, and his body is covered in a layer of sweat like he’s already made love at least once, but those are the only indications that he isn’t made of stone. He stands tall and proud, shoulders and spine straight. Karkat feels a pulse of heat course through him.

“Now,” he continues, “Gamzee, keep laying where you are. Nepeta, sit up.”

Nepeta sits up, pushing Karkat’s and Gamzee’s legs open so she has room to sit in between then, and then she says, “Oh! You’re so smart, Equius.”

And then her fingers are in between his legs, stroking over the opening of his nook (he squeaks, mortifyingly), probing gently inside with her knuckle, claws carefully turned away.

The lights are dim enough that she’ll almost definitely assume he’s just a rustblood. He’ll just have to make sure to leave before they turn the lights back on. Totally doable.

She giggles. “Yeah, you’re wet enough.”

He flushes, wants to snarl something at her, except that wasn’t an insult, it was fact. He’s wet, fluid dripping down his inner thighs. He makes a small shocked sound as she guides the tip of her squirming bulge towards his nook, even though he shouldn’t be. It finds the heat of him, and instantly starts moving deeper into him, and he moans and moves back into it, and she moans and moves closer towards him until they’re flush against each other, Nepeta’s bulge all the way inside him. It’s so _good._

“He tight?” Gamzee asks.

Nepeta moans a wrecked affirmative, grinding against him. Karkat is dying.

“Too tight?” Gamzee asks.

“No such thing,” Nepeta manages, digging her fingers into Karkat’s hips.

“Miraculous,” Gamzee says, and then he’s tilting his hips in a certain way and there’s another long slippery bulge squirming by his nook-- but it’s already full-- but it finds the wet dripping heat of him anyways and _squeezes_ its way inside--

A long helplessly loud moan is torn out of him as it happens, as he realizes that he’s being _stuffed,_ that he’s living in a fucking _porno._

“Good,” Equius chokes out to the side. “Very-- very good.”

“Come here,” Nepeta says, and then mewls as Gamzee’s bulge slowly starts winding around hers _inside of Karkat._

Equius is at their side before Karkat can notice his approach, his entire pan being wonderfully obliterated by the feeling of being too full, of the wet overwhelming drag of two bulges tangling inside of his nook at once.

“Holy shit,” he gasps. “What are you-- he-- no. There’s no more room. I _can’t--!”_

He’s cut off by his own groan as Nepeta thrusts into him, thrusting him towards Gamzee as well, and that chain reaction goes on for a little while. Nepeta’s noises of pleasure almost skirt the edge of growls and snarls, and Gamzee’s voice is high and creaky and shamelessly happy.

“I can see that,” Equius says dryly. “I will take use of your other orifices instead.”

“Holy shit never speak again,” Karkat rasps. That was the least sexy way he could have possibly phrased that he’s gonna fuck him in one of his other holes and wait-- he’s gonna _what--?_

Suddenly, literally the largest bulge he’s ever seen in his life is up in his face, glistening and fat and blue, and it’s on his face, it’s touching his face, smearing blue fluid across his cheek, mouth-- tip squirming between his lips--

“What the f--”

Sometimes, Karkat is a mortifying fucking idiot. The bulge slips in the second he opens his mouth. It glides through his lips, cool and wet like a popsicle, stretching his mouth wider the further in it goes. He jerks his head back once it starts to feel like too, too much, and Nepeta and Gamzee both make breathy noises as they move, all interconnected. All stuffed inside of him, filling him to bursting.

This isn’t a foursome, he realizes. _It’s a gangbang._

Equius reaches down to his bulge and grasps it, stopping it from gliding in further and personally suffocating and murdering Karkat in the most humiliating way trollishly possible. His head tilts down, hair curtaining his face, eyes squeezed shut, and he just stands there and shakes and pants as his bulge helplessly writhes inside of Karkat’s hot mouth.

Nepeta thrusts into him, thrusting Gamzee along with him, thrusting his mouth down on Equius’ bulge just an inch as his entire body rocks with the motion. There’s a chorus of noises, a voice breaking stretched out groan from Gamzee, a grunt of satisfaction from Nepeta, a shaky gasp from Equius. Karkat, muffled around a thick bulge, helpless and overstimulated.

Nepeta sets the rhythm, steady and relentless, merciless. Karkat, unable to do anything but clutch at the clown underneath him and try and weather the storm does so. Gamzee’s ribs are stark and easy to pick out, his heavy breathing easy to feel by just the way his chest rises and falls.

“Since you’ve got your mouth full,” Nepeta purrs into his ear, “just snap your fingers if you need a break, kitten.”

He makes a protesting noise at _kitten,_ except it turns out that all noises come out sounding wanton when they’re filtered through a mouthful (and a nookful) of bulge first. He pushes back into her for a lack of anything to say, and the gut punched inhalation is at least gratifying.

“Good,” Equius says quietly, hoarse and tense. He reaches out and oh so carefully places a hand on his head. His touch is featherlight, barely touching, really. “You’re doing good.”

 _Goddamnit_ it pisses him off how that makes genuine heat curl in the pit of his stomach.

Another hand, Nepeta’s settling over Equius’, and he can only imagine the sappy pale smiles they’re giving each other while they both fuck him together. _Freaks._ Sexy freaks, god fucking damn it.

“Your _heat,”_ Gamzee says, his breath washing over Karkat’s face. “Motherfucking miraculous, bro, you’re so warm, it’s so good.”

Karkat moans around Equius as his bulge tangles with his tongue, as Gamzee and Nepeta twist inside of his nook. Holy fuck, he’s going to die. This is too much. It’s so much. He loves it. Did he mention that he’s going to die?

Blue fluid is dripping down his chin and onto Gamzee, who just giggles even though that’s _disgusting,_ and Nepeta’s carefully tracing her claws down Karkat’s back and sides without breaching any skin and it’s so _good,_ oh shit, oh fuck, his jaw _aches,_ his nook _burns,_ his body feels so _hot--_

“So cute--”

“Obedient--”

“Beautiful--”

Karkat’s surrounded by dangerous people, being filled by them, overflowing with them, and there’s some irrational part of him that is certain to its _bones_ that they’re not going to hurt him. They’re just going to fuck and fuck and fuck and it’s going to be fantastic and overwhelming and he’s gonna _die_ and this would be such a fucking nice way to go--

He comes messily, nook clenching, and Nepeta’s hissing and groaning with overwhelmed pleasure, her hands clenching down bruisingly tight on him, Gamzee throwing his head back with a shout, neck _bared--_

He sounds like a whore, moaning uncontrollably, long and loud, and Equius says, “Oh dear,” and then he’s pulling his bulge that very much doesn’t want to leave the tight wet familiar heat of his mouth away, and then he’s bracing himself on the couch, sinking to his knees, shaking, shaking--

The cry is pulled out past broken teeth almost against its will, and Karkat hears fluid dripping onto the floor, twitches weakly and feels wetness _everywhere_ down where he and Nepeta and Gamzee are joined. Messy and disgusting and Gamzee’s laughing again, the fucker.

“Amazing,” Gamzee says.

Nepeta slumps into Karkat’s back, and starts shaking with breathless laughter. “Sooo fun. Thank you!”

“Your services,” Equius says, still crouched on the floor, face hidden by the armrest of the couch, his voice strained with exhaustion, “were very much appreciated.”

Karkat works his sore jaw. “... You guys are fucking weirdos.”

“Mhmm,” Nepeta hums, arms going around his shoulders, nuzzling into him.

“And you fucked weirdos,” Gamzee says, and starts laughing again at his own joke.

Equius’ face cautiously peeks up over the armrest, his blue eyes all that Karkat could see. His lashes are long, the bags underneath his eyes dark, his gaze assessing. It makes Karkat want to squirm except he’s over sensitive and dripping wet. He wants to just collapse where he is into a deep sleep, consequences be damned.

“Theoretically, how much would a second round cost?” Equius asks, and Nepeta lets loose a delighted shriek _right_ into his ear and Gamzee’s babbling praise at Equius’ genius, twisting around to look at him while he’s still inside Karkat fuck he’s _over sensitive damn it--_

“Twice the initial price, a shower, and a fucking nap!” he snaps, and starts struggling his way free from the pile of limbs and genitalia and sweat he’s in the middle of. His legs feel wobbly and weak as he stands up, but he makes himself stand straight and walk with confidence in the direction he guesses is the ablutions block. “And don’t turn up the fucking lights!”

Karkat lets himself curl up into a ball and be insanely mortified, horny, exhausted, and freaked out as soon as he’s got a door closed in between them.

Holy fuck, he just actually did that. Maybe he really is a jaded professional pail filler. Or at least he’s gonna be one by the end of this night.

Through the door, he can hear Nepeta and Gamzee celebrating his acceptance.


End file.
